Developmental Stages Having a Direct Impact on Self-Esteem

First stage is Symbiotic - meaning a baby's total dependence on its mother, i.e., touch, voice, smell and vibrations.  Baby's identity and boundaries are tied directly to the mother and/or caregivers.  "I am you."

Second stage is Individuation or Hatching - Time of separation when child is beginning to gain some autonomy and begin to sense separateness from the mother. Children are learning their limits and use the word "mine" as a sign of ownership.  Holding and touching are important to the child as it seeks the safety of mother as well as explores the world outside the mother.  Holding and touching are important to the child as it seeks the safety of mother as well as explores the world outside of mother.  Children need to know that they are loved and wanted in order to develop healthy boundaries.  "I am ME."

Third stage is called Practicing, where children practice independence.  Not only about separating from the mother but also developing an attitude of exploration and curiosity.  When children learn "No!" They hear it from authorities and practice it also.  But they don't know the difference between "No" and "Yes", from a tantrum or from a boundary.  Requires a program of healthy discipline.  Failure to teach the child this results in a foggy sense of boundaries.  Cloud and Townsend define discipline as an "external boundary designed to develop internal boundaries" and is different from punishment which is "payment for a wrongdoing."  Thing about the boundaries for baseball, football, or basketball with foul lines, out of bounds and rules as well as the consequences for violating them.  Boundaries help children feel secure. "Mine."

Four stage is Interdependence.  When children learn they are part of a community and have a need to be connected. They make cordial friendships with others.  "I am me, you are you, and we need each other in our separateness."

**Healthy children need to progress from dependence to individuation to practicing to interdependence.  This progression provides them with a clear sense of identity, especially separate from the mother.  "I am me but I still need you."

During the first 3yrs of life, children need to master the following tasks:

1. Ability to be emotionally attached to others without giving up a sense of self and one's freedom to be apart.

2. Ability to say "No" appropriately to others without fear of loss of love, rejection or abandonment.

3. Ability to take appropriate "No" from others without withdrawing emotionally.