Dysfunctional Family Roles
The addict or Identified Problem:
Can be played by any member but usually one of the parents who is seen as the root cause of the family's dysfunction. Extremely dependent and shifts the blame on someone or something else. Has repressed feelings of pain, guilt, shame, fear, and anger. Is out of touch with reality and hides behind walls of anger, denial, charm, projection, blaming, and perfectionism. Usually medicates pain and bad feelings with some addictive behavior/substance which temporarily relieves personal pain but does nothing to relieve the family's pain. Compulsively uses people, places, or things.
The Chief Enabler:
One who is closest and most depended upon by the addict. Does things for the person that contributes to addicts behavior, like calling into work for them and making up stories to cover up for the addict. Does things for the addict that they should do for themselves, making more decisions, and taking more responsibilities, depending on the addict to justify role of caretaker. Obsessed with controlling other's behavior. Neglects self. Super-responsible. Wears a masked smile, pretending that everything is "fine." Has repressed feelings of hurt, anger, emptiness, guilt, inadequacy. Feels stuck, overwhelmed and powerless. Hides behind walls of martyrdom, seriousness, control, denial, people-pleasing, care taking, protecting, rescuing, over-responsibility, self-blaming, hostility, low self worth, physical illnesses and fragility. Feel important and self-righteous. Benefits family because someone is taking responsibility. Pays the price through physical and emotional illness. Is a control addict.
The Hero/The Good Child:
Usually the oldest child (not always). Is super responsible, helping relieve the chief enabler by doing best to make good grades, be involved in extra-curricular activities, work an extra job - doing whatever makes the family look good. Provides a sense of worth for the family. The good child takes on adult responsibility at a young age, strives to accel at everything, takes on other people's problems and generally compensates for feelings of inferiority with a drive to accomplish and prove themselves. Has repressed feelings of guilt, inadequacy, loneliness, confusion, anger, and hurt. Hides behind walls of trying to be special, people pleasing, helpfulness, approval-seeking, over-achieving, intellectualizing, being the little parent. Gets a lot of attention and acclaim. Is compulsive and driven, often becoming a workaholic. May become an addict in later life.
The Scapegoat:
Often the 2nd child. Rebelliousness takes the focus off the addict. Has a strong peer group because feels like doesn't belong. Carries the pain of the family. Gets blamed for the problems in the family even though the behavior is a direct result and not the cause of the dysfunction. Often gets in trouble with law, doing things on purpose subconsciously to get out of the family. Has repressed feelings of insecurity, anger, hurt, rejection, fear, and loneliness. Hides behind walls of rebelliousness, defiance, blaming, acting out, trouble-making, peer preference over family, chemical abuse, getting arrested, possibly going to prison, withdrawing. If a female, acting out may be sexual with an unplanned pregnancy. Is a low achiever and high risk for suicide.
The Fixer:
Sometimes the same as the good child. The fixer is constantly trying to smooth things out. They become co-dependent. They are fixed on solving others' problems in a way that ignores their own and allows the others to continue in self-destructive behavior. No group would be complete without them, they are often seen as the group's savior, yet their fixing is more like an aspirin than a cure.
The Lost Child/The Ghost :
May be the middle child. Typically sweet, quiet and shy. Is the hidden one, the child who tries to make himself inconspicous as possible, is withdrawn,, never asks for anything for himself, is neither seen nor heard, often confused with the good child except they are not competitive. This type of person is less likely to join groups, but if they do, they are quiet and unobtrusive, or they may do their disappearing act after they have volunteered for something. Offers family relief and doesn't worry them. Learns to be compliant. Tends to stay in a fantasy life, often ending up with emotional problems. Can be manipulative and have difficulty with decision-making. Often very creative! Has repressed feelings of being ignored, confusion, hurt, inadequacy, unimportance and anger. Hides behind walls of being quiet, withdrawn and invisible, being a loner, dreamer, and super-independent, avoiding stressful situations, low achiever, physical problems like asthma and bed-wetting, eating disorders, confused sexual identity, and promiscuous behavior.
The Mascot:
Usually the youngest child. Provide comic relief from tension of the family. Tend to act cute, often immature and are not taken seriously. Family regards them as fragile and in need of protection. Enjoys the spotlight. Has repressed feelings of being crazy, being scared, high anxiety, hurt loneliness, confusion, and pain. Hide behind walls or providing distraction, being gutsy, feeling special, having pets, seeking attention, and clowning around. Usually hyperactive, fragile, compulsive givers, and can't handle stress.
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