Did you grow up in a disfunctional family?

Characteristics of Dysfunctional Families:

• It doesn't work, but often looks like it does
• It is a dictatorship run by the sickest member(s)
• Members are unable to find stability
• Lack of bounderies
• May have a member who is an alcoholic, drug addict or a variety of other different problems, such as serious illness, death in the family, or mental illness.
• May be connected to extramarital affairs, religious abuse, or other forms of abuse
• Anything that threatens or stresses the family.

Questions to ponder: 1) In what ways was my family dysfunctional? 2.) How did it affect me, what roles did I play, and what am I left with now? 3.) What do I do to work on the specific issues resulting from my dysfunctional family of origin (FOO).

Consequences of Growing Up in a Dysfunctional Family:

• May be unable to defend ourselves when being abused.
• May give others too much power in our lives or we assume to much power in other's lives
• May become unable to distinguish our own extreme or inappropriate behavior
• Our emotional needs were not met
• May become responsible for our parents or other family members resulting in loss of childhood
• Usually end up denying our basic needs.
• May have a distorted world view
• Become vulneralbe to whatever will keep our feelings contained
• Have insufficient contact with people who truly care about us
• Grow up without a sense of self
• May deny self by pretending to agree when we disagree
• May grow up hurting other people
• May decline to do things you really want to do for fear that you won't do it "right"
• May grow up feeling unsafe
• May grow up angry and with rage
• Learn to expect little from others but expect perfection from ourselves.

Sample Dysfunctional Family Rules:
     These rules are unhealthy, stifle personal growth,, are unrealistic, debilitating, are unpredictable because they are always changing, and are more non-verbal than verbal, subconscious than conscious.

• Don't talk; keep secrets from outsiders.
• Don't feel; don't express feelings instead stuff them
• Don't trust; someone will let you down
• Blame others; never accept responsibility
• Pretend that everything is "fine"
• Maintain control; look and act like the "perfect" family.
• Don't be selfish; it is not okay to have personal needs.
• Do as I say, not as I do.
• Don't rock the boat.
• Don't talk back; Don't ask questions, especially "Why?"
• Speak only when spoken to.